my breast feeding story

i was recently asked to write my breast feeding story for the website of the breast feeding clinic i went to. i thought that i would share it here. enjoy...

I am Alexandra, a mother of 3, and a first time breast feeder. Like every birth, every child, and every experience, there are no two the same.  I had my first son the day after I turned 24.  It was new, and scary, and to be honest I don’t think anyone is ever really ready to be a parent. No matter how much you prepare yourself!  After a 24 hour labor and 3 hours of pushing I had a c-section.  I did not get to see Cristiano for a few hours and when I did get to see him, he was not really wanting to latch.  I was flustered (and not to mention exhausted) and I didn’t really have a lot of help, or advice, or any real direction on what to do.  I was pestered a bit about the baby “starving” if I didn’t hurry up and feed him.  Well that would be difficult with him not latching and me pretty much not having any milk.  So I decided to give him a bottle. And after that, he decided that was way easier! So why even try to latch on to mommy anymore? I was a little bothered. But honestly I don’t think it ever crossed my mind again after that day in the hospital. He was a formula fed baby and that is what we knew.

1 month short of 3 years later I was in the hospital again. Having a very scary and unplanned VBAC.  Tiago was born and was perfect. I did get to have skin to skin immediately and I do think that helped somehow. He latched on right away. He was a pro. And I couldn’t have been happier.  My milk supply though didn’t exactly want to work with me. And I’m sure that it didn’t help that Tiago was a colic baby. He cried pretty much all the time. So about 10 weeks in, I decided to switch to just formula (I had been supplementing). I was worried that maybe he was constantly crying because he was hungry.

Fast forward….and 5 days short of Tiago’s 2^nd birthday, Emilio was born. Because of insurance reasons Emilio was born at a different hospital than his brothers. I do think that the environment had a lot to do with it. I had decided during this pregnancy that I was going to give breast feeding all that I had. I wanted to do this. My sister and sister-in-law were both successful with all of their kids. And I wanted that. I wanted to make it work. Emilio latched and knew what he was doing!! What a joy that was. All I had to work on was building up my milk supply, try to keep him awake because all he wanted to do was sleep (he was 3 weeks early), raise a 2 and 5 year old and this brand new baby all while my husband didn’t get any time off, and run a household. No big deal. My older boys really wanted mommy home and although the baby was doing great nursing they said they would discharge me with the high recommendation that I made an appointment with the lactation clinic. So of course I did.

2 days after being released from the hospital I made the drive up to San Luis Obispo (we live in Orcutt). And to be honest on the way up there I was a little eh about the whole thing. I was considering cancelling the appointment last minute. But thank God I didn’t. I walked into that appointment that day and really knew the second I met Merrilee that this was going to work. She is exactly what I needed. I needed to be encouraged and told that I could do it (especially when I thought I couldn’t anymore). I went to the breast feeding clinic once a week for a while. Hung out, nursed Emilio, and did weigh ins. I felt great about it. I was super proud to be honest. I knew this is what my body was supposed to do, and FINALLY it was doing it!! It was a challenge always. I drank teas. I took vitamins. I drank more water than some small villages. Unfortunately for some the whole “supply and demand” thing is not always that easy.

I have made it 10.5 months and literally 3 days ago, Emilio has decided to wean himself. It was a sad day in our house. I honestly think my milk was just running out. When he started having solids more and more I knew this day would come. The more food he ate, the less milk I had. It’s been hard. For both of us. When he does decide to try and latch, and he gets nothing, I’m sure that’s frustrating for him. And I feel sad that I can’t provide that for him anymore. But to be honest 10.5 months is awesome. I didn’t think I was going to make it this far. My first goal was literally 2 weeks. I’ve come a long way! And it has been amazing!

 I also can’t tell you this without mentioning one last thing. Along the way I have also had help from a few people. My brother’s wife gave birth to my niece 2 months after Emilio was born. Her older boys are twins, and apparently her body was still producing for 2. She gave me her milk when she had extra. I would use hers to supplement for Emilio if I ever needed to. And I’ve never told people this, but a girl I went to high school with knew I had a supply issue (because I was very open about it) and reached out to me and offered me her extra milk. She was donating it to a hospital NICU and had gone thru all the testing for that already. The first time I picked milk up from her it was over 250 ounces. I cried when I got in the car. I couldn’t believe that someone would do this for me. To have to pump and go thru all that extra work for someone else’s child is an absolutely selfless act. I really believe we have taken the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” to a whole new level!

I’ve loved this experience, the good, the bad, and the indifferent. It really has been a huge part of mine and Emilio’s story. I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m hoping that if I’m lucky enough to have more kids, I will get to breast feed again. And what a bonus if it comes a little easier next time!?

the silent judgement on birthing stories!

its been a while since ive had the time to do this. being a mom of 3 is no joke! busy busy busy!!
ive been thinking a lot lately about the judgement that moms put on other moms. a HUGE issue that people like to comment about is peoples birthing plans. i thought...after having pretty much every type of birth with the boys that maybe i could slightly shed some light on this topic and maybe put things into perspective for people. so before i say anything else i think it should be known that i had a 24 hour labor, with 3 hours of pushing, an epidural on hour 7, and ending with a c section with cristiano. with tiago i had a planned c section and 10 days before that he came. and he came quick. 4 hours total. and he arrived 15 minutes or so after i got to the hospital. an unexpected and unplanned drug free vbac. and then there was emilios birth. i started contracting at 32 weeks. was opting to not have a vbac because of the risks, and finally at 37 weeks we went in for a very controlled and calm c section.
what really pisses me off (for lack of better words) is when someone finds the need, or right, to put in their 2 cents. so someone wants to get drugs practically when they find out they are pregnant, who cares? people plan on doing vbacs and it goes off without a bump in the road. awesome! some people do it drug free from the get go and can stick to their original plan. lucky! some people have a plan and once it gets going its not going to be possible. frustrating! my issue is why do we feel like we have the right to look down on someone for what they choose to do. obviously all of us have the same goal at the end: to get our baby here and healthy. whatever way that may be.
to be honest i was that person at one time. on hour 2 of pushing with cristiano my dr said he would give me another hour to try. cristiano was crowning at every push. and he would go all the way back in when i stopped. when the dr came back in to tell me i had to have a c section because i was putting the baby under stress i felt like a failure. my sister (who allowed me to be in the room with all of her childrens births) gives birth like its an olympic sport. and she gets the gold every time! lol. my sister in law...pushed out TWINS!! and here i was, not able to have my baby the way i wanted. i cried. but i knew that my goal was to have him healthy. and so a c section it was.
even with emilios birth, i had TONS of people questioning why i wasnt doing a vbac. saying i had already done one. why not do it again. to be honest...i didnt have time to be scared of my vbac the first time. he was coming out no matter what. but this go around luis and i discussed it and we were not willing to take that risk of my incision rupturing and possibly killing the baby and/or me. yes the odds of that are low. but not unheard of. and that scared me. i did not feel like i would be able to give it a good run, if i had that in the back of my mind the whole time.
the whole point to all of this is, people are doing what they can, and what they feel is best. dont judge. there are pros and cons to every single situation. we cant hold it against someone if their list is different than ours.