where oh where do i begin?! this is my third pregnancy and i seem to still not have figured it all out! lol! will i ever?? every single one of them has been different from the previous! i know that life has changed, and that of course has a lot to do with it.
with cristiano i could nap whenever i wanted, and do whatever i wanted. i had no other kids and got to think simply of myself. if i wanted to sleep in, there was no one there to wake me up, so sleep in is what i did! then came my pregnancy with tiago. i had at that point a 2.5 year old. who was super easy! ano would just go with the flow. if i wanted to rest he was good with just entertaining himself and playing on the living room floor as i laid on the couch. it was harder than my first pregnancy, but i wouldnt exactly explain it as hard. and then there is emilios pregnancy. totally different story. these pregnancies have started to take a toll on my body. my back hurts WAY more than it ever has. my dr says its from the pull of my body trying to balance out my stomach and that it will continuously get worse with the more kids i have. im also chasing after kids. tiago is a very busy little boy! and im seriously pulling him and cristiano apart constantly.
the fact that luis has gotten a new job and no longer has his old 8-5 schedule is very trying at times. i sometimes feel like im a single parent, for the simple fact that luis is not there. when he is...he is one of the most hands on dads i have ever met. which makes his absence even harder!
ive heard peoples comments about how i "always look put together". well if i could be honest (because thats all i can be at this point) sometimes i feel like the way i present myself is the only thing i have control over anymore. lol! when your big and the simplest things like finding an outfit that covers your stomach become daily struggles, sometimes blowing out and styling your hair, putting your eyelashes on, and being presentable, is just enough to help you make it thru the day.
ive heard people complain about being pregnant and seriously...thats an easy thing to do sometimes. but whats the point? you have to stop and realize what it is that you are doing. growing a child is clearly not an easy job. and to be totally honest...it doesnt get easier when the baby comes out. thats for sure! when i want to bitch and complain at times, i remind myself of the people who would give an arm or a leg to be in my position. when we were trying to have tiago, i remember saying how i would gladly have an aching back, or morning sickness, or a few more stretch marks to have a baby. and now here i am. with all of the above. how dare i complain about it!?
although i have already started having braxton hicks...and being pregnant isnt exactly a walk in the park this time around, i pray everyday that little emilio stays in there. i want a healthy baby! that after 3 days of staying in the hospital will get to be discharged with me and go home. whether or not this is my last pregnancy, or my next to last, or hell...if im only half way done (joking! lol) i am trying to soak it up. no matter how many kids you have, when you hold your baby for the first time, each experience is different and life changing. with my first two i know that when i held them for the first time, it was worth EVERY SINGLE bad thing i went thru. and every day still is. when cristiano wakes up in the morning and wants to nuzzle, it never crosses my mind that i went thru 24 hours of labor and had a c section with weeks of recovery to get him. when tiago screams mae mae (mommy in portuguese) for me to be the one to put him to sleep, i never think how he made me sick for 3 months straight, and forced me to have a very scary vbac. i think about how i am LUCKY. i have been BLESSED. and God thinks im good enough to be given this.
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